Divorce
DIVORCE
A married woman, whom we will name Mary, had been married for 15 years and she has 2 children under the age of 10 living at home. She has been experiencing verbal and emotional abuse from her husband who has an addiction to pain pills. When they first met, he was loving, and attentive but after his car accident which left him with back pain, causing him to use prescription pain medications for which he began abusing.
He began using more and more pain pills and it was like he was a Jeckle and Hide situation as sometimes he would be his normal self, loving and fun, while other times he was verbally abusive, accusing her of everything that went wrong in his life and this verbal accusation spilt over to the children. There were periods of anger bursting into slamming doors, yelling, breaking things and even slamming his fist into doors and walls. She did not know what to expect when he came home from work. She described his moods as like Forest Gump’s box of chocolates- you never knew what you were going to get. She sought help from various people and even went to counselors but things were getting increasingly worse. Her husband refused help and denied that he had a problem.
Mary and her husband were both Christians and went to church regularly but it was becoming increasingly difficult to show up to church without tears from the abuse in the car on the way to church. Mary and her husband asked for counseling from the church pastor. After many months of weekly meetings with the pastor, Mary was not feeling safe anymore in her own home and the children were showing signs in their behavior as well that this was affecting them in their school work and with their other relationships. She approached the pastor about a separation and possible divorce and was told that she needed to stay in the relationship and stay in the house and pray for her husband as this was her duty as a wife. Divorce, for any reason other than adultery, is a sin and God hates divorce.
Mary felt trapped in an unsafe situation watching her husband’s addiction affect her children being helpless to do anything but pray.
Her thoughts went to “why would God want me to stay and suffer”, and “if God is love, how could he watch this and make me stay” “How could the church abandon me, the victim, and call it Gods justice and love?”
These are all very good questions. This is just one sample of the many men and women who are asking this same question being in similar circumstances. You see, the church has a habit of shooting the wounded rather exposing the sin and Identifying the unclean spirit that is manifesting and cast it out. Should that person be in agreement with the unclean spirit and refuse to depart with it, then there cannot be unity. It must be dealt with.
So this brings us to today’s subject. We are going to discuss what God thinks about the subject of Divorce. This subject is discussed in Scripture both in the Old and New Testament and the consensus among the majority of Christians is that there is only ONE reason that a divorce is justified in the eyes of God and that is for Adultery and all other reasons given for Divorce are sins.
We are going to look at this subject in great detail to see what God showed in His law and what Jesus said in all the gospels. But first, let me reiterate some basic principles that we already know about Jesus.
Jesus Attributes- Jesus is without sin
(Heb 4:15) For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yetwithout sin.
(This means that Jesus must follow the law perfectly)
(1Jn 3:4) Whosoever committeth sin transgresseth also the law: for sin is the transgression of the law.
So Jesus cannot just make up something new because we know that the pharisees would have called him out on it. They were just waiting to catch him in an error. Jesus had to follow the law perfectly otherwise he would have sinned because the definition of sin is transgressing the law. Sin is defined BY the law given to Moses.! Now, Jesus can define what the law’s intent actually was. He did this in most cases by expanding the intent to cover those spiritual things which the law was originally trying to teach but man made it a list of do’s and don’ts.
Jesus Did not change the Law
(Matt 5:17-19)Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil…..
The word destroy means to loosen down (disintegrate),
that is, (by implication) to demolish (literally or figuratively); specifically (compare G2646) to halt for the night:
He did not destroy the law.
Most of us believe that that word means to “get rid of” or “do away with” but it also means to change, lessen the impact, change the intent. He did not come to “water down” the law. All of that is encompassed in this word “destroy”.
DON’T EVEN THINK that I have come to “do away or make light or change any part of the law.” It goes on…
For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled. Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach them, the same shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven.
So one jot or one tittle means one little thing shall not pass or go away from the law until all be fulfilled.
If you break or even teach someone to break one of the smallest commandments you will be least in the kingdom.
We know, Jesus is the greatest in the kingdom, so we know he did not break, or teach anyone to break, or change, in anyway, or water down the commandments – Amen?
So this takes us to three Gospels where Jesus is quoted to seemingly change the law.
As always, if this looks like the case, then we better study carefully and investigate because that would contradict what he said and WHO he is (His Character).
This subject is discussed in Matthew, Mark and Luke. Let’s look at Matthew first.
(Mat 19:3-9) The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which madethemat the beginning made them male and female,And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, exceptit befor fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
Well, This seems pretty clear. It seemingly states that if you divorce a wife and marry another you are committing adultery. Of course this is also speaking to husbands- for the sake of this teaching, we will address this subject as the man is asking for the divorce because that is the example given in this case, but, this certainly applies to women as well as I will show you in a minute.
If a man divorces a wife and marries another that he is committing adultery and the one that marries the divorced person is also committing adultery.
This is where the current Christian church gets its doctrine that adultery is the only reason you can divorce.
I have heard many a horror story of women and even men being abused and they have gone to the church for help and the church has told them to stay in their marriage because there was no adultery committed. Trapping these people in a living hell because otherwise they would be sinning. Many people are in mental, physical emotional or verbal abuse, whether it be pornography , substance or other addictions and God’s requirement is that they remain in this unholy, unclean and sometimes unsafe environment??? Think about it?? Is that a loving God? Is that God’s desire, command and character?? No wander many people turn from a God that would want someone to stay in this situation!! Often times children are victims of this environment all because of this incorrect interpretation of this new testament verse and the denominational doctrine of men.
But wait…. Let us go back to the law and look at what the law actually states
(Deu 24:1)-4 When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house…..
Let us break this down. Because he found some uncleanliness in her- this means some kind of sin is found and the assumption is that the sin is enough to sever their relationship. It does not specify “WHAT THE SIN IS” however it does have some kind of connotation that it can be sexual in some way but not all inclusive, which many Christian denominations believe it means adultery.
So through this verse and others in the New Testament, most Christian denominations believe that it is ONLY adultery that enables you to get a divorce.
However, this does not make sense. Because , God already had a procedure in place should a man suspect a woman of adultery and that was the “bitter waters” test. But this Hebrew word “uncleanliness” in Deuteronomy 24 means exposure, nudity, disgrace, blemish or shame. So it CAN encompass much more in nature.
But wait, there is more to the command. What does the law say has to be done?
(Deu 24:1)-4 When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house…..
So what is required if there is some sin that is irreconcilable is
1. Write her bill of divorce
This would be a written document stating the offenses and the agreement to release- a severance of the relationship. In other words, a document severing any ties releasing any obligations
2. Give it to her- it is her document giving her freedom and release from any bonds and Send her away- he must send her out of the house. He cannot keep her for later or have anything to do with her. He lets her go her own way.
So basically, the requirement is
1.bill of divorsement and hand it to her
2. Send her out of the house- let her go
The law continues
(Deu 24:2-4) And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife. And if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of divorcement, and giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; or if the latter husband die, which took her to be his wife; Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the LORD: and thou shalt not cause the land to sin, which the LORD thy God giveth thee for an inheritance.
Notice that the new husband may “hate “ her and he is allowed to divorce her. Nothing is said about fornication or adultery. So the law allows divorce for reasons other than fornication or adultery. It is not clear the extent of the reason but there was much debate in the first century among Rabi’s on this subject that some Rabi’s comments say that you could divorce her even if she burnt your toast. So this debate was in the forefront during the first century.
It is also clear that after receiving the bill of divorce and leaving the house, that she is able to freely marry someone else.
But it is saying that you better know what you are doing if you are divorcing someone because you cannot take them back if either of them marries another.
Notice, it repeats those two requirements again that you must
write a bill of divorce and give it to them
send them away
That is what the law states. Now let’s look at Matthew 19 again. When we look at Matthew 19 as a stand alone statement, it appeared that Jesus was saying that the only reason you can divorce someone is for the reason of adultery and any other reason is a sin…. Yet, the Law states otherwise. So let’s actually look at Matthew 19 with the Law as the foundation that Jesus is upholding.
(Mat 19:3-6) The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?
And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
Notice that the Pharisees were trying to trap him in a question and notice what Jesus does? He goes back to Law and says “have you not read”. Also Jesus is specifying the purpose is so they can be one flesh and that God never purposed for them to be separated once joined.
(Mat 19:7-9) They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
Now the Pharisees go back to the law and reiterate what the law commands 2 things- to give her a writing of divorce and to put her away (which means to send her out of the house).
Then they ask WHY Moses allowed them to get a divorce if God never intended for them to be separated and Jesus tells them it is because of sin. Basically Jesus is showing us God’s heart.
God wants us to be united forever but, because of sin, he has allowed a way to separate. God does not intend for us to stay in a situation that is sinful. My favorite statement about God is he sometimes allows things he does not condone. In other words, this was not his plan but because WE allow sin to manifest in us, he has given others a way to escape that sin and not be trapped in an unholy situation.
I am NOT advocating divorce. Divorce is not fun nor is it easy physically, emotionally, spiritually or financially. In all ways it is not an easy process and rightly so. It shouldn’t be. It should be sought with lots of prayer and Godly council. But when it is inevitable due to unrepentant sin, then God provided a way out. Amen?
Then comes the phrase that caused this entire issue:
whoever shall put away his wife except for fornication,, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
Wait a minute. Is Jesus talking about divorce here? He used the word “put away” instead of the word divorce. The word put away we previously identified as being send out of the house. Lets look at that again when the Pharisees identified what “put away” meant
(Mat 19:7-9) They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?
Writing of Divorce
Put her away (send her out of house)
This changes the entire subject of WHAT Jesus is addressing! It is not talking about divorce at all, but about kicking someone out of the house WITHOUT divorcing them- which, by the way, was WHAT was happening in the first century. It was common for a man to kick a woman out of the house and bring another woman in to replace her all the while being able to go back to the previous wife anytime he wanted but had no responsibility to care for her.
Now let’s look at these scriptures again and this time we will look at the STRONGS numbers with the STRONGS definition
(Mat 19:3-6) The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away (G630) his wife or any cause?
G630ap-ol-oo'-o
From G575 and G3089; to free fully, that is, (literally) relieve, release, dismiss (reflexively depart), or (figuratively) let die, pardon, or (specifically) divorce:
The Pharisees are asking….can we kick her out of the house for any reason?
Look at the Greek word for Put Away is apaloo-o which APO means “away from something near” and LOO-O is a verb that means “to loosen” or let go. So put away does not mean only divorce but means to send off and let them go which would encompass sending them off with or without a divorce agreement. Of course, the Pharisees were trying to trap Jesus and they thought he would just answer their question with Jesus assuming they were talking about putting them away WITH a divorce agreement – and they thought that he would just answer the question but, Jesus knew what had been going on and understood that they would twist his words to say that Jesus allowed them to put away their wives WITHOUT a divorce agreement which would have been contrary to the law and they could have sited him in teaching people to break the law. How tricky!
Here is a New Testament scripture using the same word “apoloo-o” to confirm that it means to send away
(Mat 14:15) And when it was evening, his disciples came to him, saying, This is a desert place, and the time is now past; send the multitude away, that they may go into the villages, and buy themselves victuals. 13
(Luk 2:29) Lord, now let thou thy servant departin peace, according to thy word:
Now back to Matthew
(Mat 19:3-6) The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away (G630) his wife for any cause?
G630 ap-ol-oo'-o
From G575 and G3089; to free fully, that is, (literally) relieve, release, dismiss (reflexively depart), or (figuratively) let die, pardon, or (specifically) divorce:
Notice the question that was given Jesus? It was not if they could divorce for any reason but if they could send the woman out of the house without a divorce, for any reason? Kick her out of the house. What a trick question!!
When Jesus tells the Pharisees Gods original design for marriage, the Pharisees challenge him with the law
I am going to show you in red the word reflecting “divorce” and bold black for the word reflecting “put away” or sending them out of the house.
(Mat 19:7-9) They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away
Notice that they used both words here in the same sentence so they knew what they were asking Jesus. See the definition of Divorcement. It is a means to separate,.
G647apostasion
Neuter of a (presumed) adjective from a derivative of G868; properly something separative, that is, (specifically) divorce: - (writing of) divorcement.
And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
Make sense? If you marry someone after you kick someone out of the house but have not divorced them, then you are committing adultery and if someone marries the person that you kicked out of the house, they are committing adultery.
You see, God’s mercy allows you to not have to hunt them down to hand them a written bill of divorcement in the event of adultery. How merciful God is to know the anger and feelings involved with adultery and allows the person to just send them away rather than having to face them again to give them the writ of divorce. So basically, Jesus is saying that the only time you do not have to hand them a written divorcement is when they have committed adultery. WOW! That changes everything and makes sense doesn’t it?
Now. To nail this topic down, we must go to each Gospel to show that this is what was being said. Lets go to Mark next
(Mar 10:2-5) And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him. And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you? And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away. And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. 15
(Mar 10:6-9) But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder…….
(Mar 10:10-12) And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter. And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.
Women, note that in Mark Jesus includes a woman kicking her husband out of the house. So this also shows that it applies to women as well.
Now lets look at Luke
(Luk 16:18) Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.
Luke confirms everything in Mathew and Mark.
So we have looked at Matthew mark and Luke but there is one more verse where Jesus speaks of divorce/Put away and it is again in Matthew.
This is one that you may want to put a note in your Bible as it is a translation error. Instead of translating Apaloo-o as “put away” They translated it “divorce” in error which is one of the major causes that the church upholds their belief that you can only divorce for adultery. So as I am showing you this, please make a note so you will know for future reference as I am sure you will need to explain this to others at some point.
(Mat 5:31) It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement:(Mat 5:32) But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorcedcommitteth adultery:
Put away= apaloo-o G630
Divorse= apostation G647
Notice that the last “divorce” word should actually been translated “put away” instead of divorce. This is a translation error. The Greek word is apoloo-o which is translated put away everywhere else but here.
Some people believe it was done on propose by the King James translators in order to save their head from being chopped off because they were under a rigid mandate to translate the Bible correctly but to not change “any of the ecclesiastical traditions of the church” which one of the traditions was divorce. Not sure, can’t prove it, but of all the verses they could have used to “mistranslate” this word, this was the one verse you could recognize the error the easiest because it has both words- put away and divorce in the same sentence. So if you were searching, you would easily find the error.
The point of this teaching is not to make it easy to get a divorce or to say that we condone or support divorce but to show you what was being taught in the first century and if you exclude the law or say the law does not apply to us then you will come up with Jesus changing the law, redefining what sin is, making His yolk burdensome and defaming His character as a loving God.
Let’s look at the popular statement that all churches use stating that God hates divorce. You have heard that quoted many times haven’t you? In fact, that is the one verse that the church will quote to tell you you can't get a divorce but at the same time they tell you that the Old Testament was nailed to the cross. Let’s look at that Scripture. We have been working with the New Testament for the most part up to this point which we have successfully deciphered the Greek words. But now we have to go back to the law, Malichi and Jeramiah to see some Scriptures written which are written in Hebrew. Follow me on this
(Mal 2:16) For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.
Wow! This doesn’t say divorce it is translated “put away”. Since this is Hebrew, we need to look at the Hebrew word to make sure that this means sent away and not divorce.
(Mal 2:16) For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away (H7971)
H7971 shaw-lakh'
A primitive root; to send away, for, or out (in a great variety of applications)
So this word could encompass divorce but I think it is interesting that it did not use the word divorce either in the Hebrew word nor the translation.
Interestingly enough there is also a Scripture verse stating that God himself, divorced Israel.
(Jer 3:6-8) The LORD said also unto me in the days of Josiah the king, Hast thou seen that which backsliding Israel hath done? she is gone up upon every high mountain and under every green tree, and there hath played the harlot.
And I said after she had done all these things, Turn thou unto me. But she returned not. And her treacherous sister Judah saw it. And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away (H7971), and given her a bill of divorce (H3748); yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also.
God followed the law perfectly. He divorced her AND put her away which is the exact Hebrew word used in the Scripture that states God hates putting away!
Let us compare these Hebrew words in each of these scriptures to the law in Deu 24
(Deu 24:1) When a man hath taken a wife……. then let him write her a bill of divorcement (H3748), and give it in her hand, and send (H7971) her out of his house.
(Jer 3:8) And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away (H7971), and given her a bill of divorce (H3748);
(Mal 2:16) For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away (H7971)
God divorced AND put away Israel as required in the law. God kept the law perfectly. God hates putting away. It is the putting away WITHOUT a divorce that He says is treacherous.
The Scriptures NEVER say that He hates Divorce. But I am sure he doesn’t prefer it I am just making a point. Sometimes we hear misquotes and just assume that the misquote is what the Scriptures are saying. For example……here is one……
God inhabits the praises of his people. You have heard this quoted haven’t you? Many times by many churches. The Scriptures actually say:
(Psa 22:3) But thou art holy, O thou that inhabitest the praises of Israel.
The Scriptures actually say that he inhabits the praises of ISRAEL!
We must study to show ourselves approved and worthy.
(Pro 25:2) It is the glory of God to conceal a thing: but the honour of kings is to search out a matter.
The word thing and matter are both the same Hebrew word which is debar and it means “WORD” so Prov 25:2 states that it is the glory of God to conceal a word but the honor of kings to search out that word.
There are so many people in shame and burdened with the fact that they have divorced for a reason other than adultery and have remarried and feel like they are living in sin. Since they have remarried they feel like they are in perpetual sin. This is not so! and I pray that if this was you, that you are now released from that burden as Jesus’s yolk is easy and His burden light. Gods mercy, grace and character is truly one of Love. Amen?